The Artform of BDSM: Heightening Intensity and Pushing Boundaries


by Sensual By Nature Studio, Dakini Oceana

Do you enjoy senso-sexual intimacy and exploration?

Want to try stimulating your senses and boundaries with something more intense?

“. . . A movement beyond the usual realm, into something beyond. Erotic Artforms and Expressions can release the self from the body. . . ” xo Oceana

History. . .

The Kama Sutra, the revered Sanskrit text on sexuality written in India about 2,000years ago, describes six appropriate places to strike a person with passion––and four ways to do it. The Kama Sutra also has chapters titled “Scratching,” “Biting,” and “Reversing Roles.”

Back in 1953, a Kinsey Institute study found that 55 percent of women and 50 percent of men were aroused by being bitten. The researchers found that the BDSM group tended to report fewer sexual problems than the general population.

The Artforms of BDSM and Bondassage by Dakini Oceana Interested in Exploring?

Here are a few essential tidbits to know before you embark into the realms of BDSM. Each will be discussed at greater length throughout this article.

1. BDSM always involve conscious and detailed pre-planning and consent by each voluntary partner before preparing the stage and playing the scene.

2. There are many ways to explore the artforms and expressions of BDSM. Generally, the dynamics and experiences are psychological and spiritual by nature.

3. The reason people do it is because it feels good! There is often a euphoric transcendence experienced by each participant.

4. If the scene activities and limits are respected, the relationship between the participants is often deepened through the experience of shared trust, intimacy, vulnerability, and psychological expression.

BDSM Exploration can provide: 

  1. Erotic psychological expression
  2. Fantasy fulfillment
  3. Expanding boundaries
  4. Enjoyable spontaneity and intuitive guidance
  5. Development of trust
  6. Submissive and Dominant “Space” (or healthy transcendence, calm, pleasure)

The Artforms of BDSM and Bondassage by Dakini Oceana

Sexual Maturity & Consciousness.

Basically, people who are consciously exploring and engaging with different levels of their sexual realm are usually people who have thought a lot about, and deeply respect the levels of healing and energetic transcendence their sexuality can offer. The conscious journey into BDSM can be aroused by a curiosity about your sexual boundaries and abilities for heightened sensations. Adults who desire and engage in conscious BDSM have also often begun to understand some of their psychological dynamics or “turn-ons” and want to explore them via erotic energetic therapy.

These are people with a mature sexuality who know what they like, need, and want – and they do it. This has a positive outcome on the sexual experiences and on the overall quality of their lives.

First, let’s define. 

What is BDSM ? 

Some people tend to associate BDSM with general sadism––but in a progressive and healthy environment, BDSM can go in many directions. BDSM, when practiced with consent and boundaries, is often energizing, confidence-building, erotically fulfilling, and superbly creative.

The Artforms of BDSM and Bondassage by Dakini OceanaPsychology.

The core of BDSM is the psychological part. For BDSM to be transcendent, it involves an exchange of power, of course with trust and respect. The aim is to intensify sensation, push boundaries and find a freedom from “socialized norms” and trappings.

Transcendence. 

Inside of the play a “space” is often experienced. This “space” occurs when each participant enters a sweet spot in trust, surrender, power, and sensation. It’s that dynamic that creates an unforeseen and unique erotic intensity and energetic transcendence.

BDSM is an acronym for Bondage & Discipline, Domination & Submission, Sadism & Masochism.

B&D: Bondage and discipline invokes the use of restraints like cuffs and ties with discipline like spanking. It doesn’t necessarily revolve around a psychological role play scene,but has the psychological components in the simplicity of the actions.

D/s: Dominance and submission involves scenarios that revolve around power play.  One partner is the more dominant, or the guide in the play. The other submits to relinquishing control, and enjoys being “led.” For many people, it is a big relief to relinquish control and be ‘done to’ for awhile. This doesn’t necessarily have to be elaborate role play, but role play would fall into this category.

S&M: Sadism and masochism. Here, a masochist gets satisfaction from pain like spanking or humiliation. A sadist gets pleasure from inflicting pain – overlaps w B&D.

 

Roles:The Artforms of BDSM and Bondassage by Dakini Oceana

Dominant: The Dominant creates the environment and dominates the play––which is organized around the execution of the wishes of the Submissive. So, while on the surface the Dominant appears to have all of the power, in reality it is the Submissive who designs the play and what the boundaries are.

Submissive: Submissive decides what activities are involved and what the boundaries are. Agrees to Submit to being “done to and led” in the planned play.

Switches: The Switch likes to experience both roles. This means that they can have more than one partner, some submissive and some dominant.  If the switch is engaging in a monogamous relationship and likes BDSM play, they often need a partner who is also a Switch.

Let’s go deeper. . .

Freedoms for Erotic Expression? 

“Many people who practice BDSM say that heightening sensation, transcending pain, or submitting power to another can be almost a spiritual experience~” Dakini Oceana

  1. When well planned, practiced with consent and conscious, healthy intention as artful expression, BDSM, can create a beautiful “space” and energetic transcendence.
  2. BDSM can unlock vast repressed sexual energy as they are forms of sexual and psychological expressions.
  3.  In any BDSM exploration, each partner aims to please the other. This beautiful attention toward service can develop deeper bonds of trust. BDSM can fulfill of a role in the fantasy lives of adults, and create a harmonious feeling of being “taken care” of and “seen” by the other.
  4. A lot of people who engage in BDSM talk about the fact that most of it happens in their minds. Often the “sexual activities” are not the focus of the experience. Often people say, the more my body is restrained, and the further I push myself into being “done to––” or the more I let myself experience the calm control of “doing to––”  the freer I feel.
  5. Spontaneity and Intuition are a fundamental aspect to the fully planned, detailed, and consensual play of BDSM. It is in the mindful practice of adhering to the pre-planned rules and design, while pushing boundaries, and listening intensely to the other’s body, words, and expressions, and while remaining spontaneous and intuitively led, that allows for the shared “space” or transcendence to occur.

How Does Intensifying Sensation and Pushing Boundaries Create a Spiritual Experience? 

“BDSM is simply an ecstatic and orbital exhilaration of the senses; a deliciously exquisite sensual heaven. . .” Dakini Oceana

The Zone.

Seeking the pain-pleasure connection is not unique to BDSM. Athletes push past physical and psychological comfort, and beyond perceived limitations, experience a “rush” or “workout high.”

People chase thrills by engaging in extreme sports, like skydiving. Or the rush that riding a roller coaster or watching a horror movie can bring.

Lovers of super spicy food experience a high when biting into a pepper sets their mouth on fire.

The Artforms of BDSM and Bondassage by Dakini OceanaWhat is “Space” – Sub Space & Dom Space? 

BDSM  ignites this same chemical flow of endorphins, epinephrine, enkaphalins, dopamine, and adrenaline that make those experiences pleasurable and healing–– an expansive trance-like euphoria. These chemicals are part of the fight or flight response which stimulates morphine-like results.

Sub-Space: Generally described as a warm, floaty feeling that one can completely lose themselves in. As a Submissive, the natural body chemicals increase pain tolerance , which create this floaty feeling when pain is introduced. The experience of time, space and place disappear into a fully present, joyful serenity. This glow can carry on long after the scene.

Dom-Space: The Dom is responsible for the direction of the scene and all safety precautions, watching the Sub’s reactions, etc. They don’t want to lose themselves so completely that they cause any actual harm to their loved one. This means, the Dom must be cognizant of how far they let themselves get lost in the abyss of spontaneity and role play.

Doms often say that they experience a different type of euphoria. For example, seeing and experiencing the Sub’s-Space can gift great personal pleasure. The Dom may experience a deep feeling of combined calm and control, enjoying this heightened sensitivity and focused presence. They are so tuned into the Sub’s needs, desires and responses that actually experience a sense of “letting go––” being guided by the Sub. A Dom-Space can be found through relaxing into focusing fully on the moment, letting go of the outside world, completely zoned in on the Submissive in a hyper-intense way.

What is a Sub or Dom “Drop”?

Many people experience a kind of “drop’ after sex or orgasm. This is when your senses are so extremely heightened and time, space, place so altered, that coming back to “reality” and shifting the chemical high to a lower level can feel like a “drop.” This is one reason that AfterCare is important. AfterCare takes place once the BDSM play is decidedly over.

The Artforms of BDSM and Bondassage by Dakini OceanaHow do we Explore?

Important Steps in setting the stage for BDSM Ritual. 

Pre-Planned Agreements.

The seed that blossoms into beautiful BDSM experience is communication, detailed planning, and consent.

  1. The partners sit down together first and make agreements.
  2. The Submissive designs the play; roles, action, necessary toys and props, and language. Both discuss and agree.
  3. Both pre-agree on a safe word or gesture that the Submissive can use at any time to stop the play. Remember, we are pushing boundaries in BDSM play, so each participant needs to be aware of the rules, and  the stop signals.

Know the Basics of Your own limits.

  1. Hard Limits: Something you will not do under any circumstance.
  2. Soft Limits: Something you don’t think you want to do, but perhaps either with the right convincing, or the right partner, you would be open to exploring.

Setting the Stage.

  1. Traditionally, once all agreements are made and limits set, the Dominant creates the stage for the scene that the Submissive submits to.

Remember. . . 

Being the Dominant requires a deep amount of communication, listening, sensitivity, and responsibility.

Being a Submissive comes with the simultaneous control, trust, and vulnerability. The Submissive sets their own boundaries.

Submissive has more control of the scene than the Dominant. The Submissive defines the basic boundaries and intentions, and retains power to stop the action at any time, for any reason. The Dominant can also stop the scene if he or she feels they need to.

Why Make these Agreements?

Trust.

The communication is a beautiful way to create trust because it is a clear collaboration that can feel delightful. During this conversation, each person discovers even more about what they like, what they’re curious about, and what is a definite ‘No.’

Making this agreement beforehand, allows for an expanded freedom of spontaneity, because you are working with agreed set boundaries.

For example, the Dominant will experience a rush of freedom in their ability for psychological and physical expression, because they trust that the Submissive will let them know if it’s too much.

The Submissive will ask for what they want during the play, and they trust that the Dominant will stop if they request–– and also communicate if it is too much for them.

Planning the Play beforehand and communicating during, will ensure that you both please one another, and have a good time.

Planning AfterCare

A part of the BDSM agreement and plan is always a beautiful and pleasurable AfterCare Experience. So, plan the AfterCare scene as well. AfterCare takes place once the BDSM play is decidedly over. Whatever the plan, AfterCare is about gracefully moving you both out of the play and into tender, loving care; creating loving and caring feelings. AfterCare is a very conscious way to bond and enhance trust and communication between you. This will only make your next planned BDSM session play even better!

Suggestions for AfterCare

  1. Holding, caressing
  2. Hug cuddle
  3. Mutual bath
  4. Trade sweet massage, or massage each other’s feet
  5. Speak tender words.
  6. Invite an open discussion on how you felt during and after the play. This  conversation can ensure that each partner feels appreciated, understood,  and cared for.

The Artforms of BDSM and Bondassage by Dakini OceanaPlanning Your BDSM Play 

Getting Creative:

Pre-Negotiated Language.

Discuss how you would like to use language in your play. Name calling should definitely be pre-negotiated, as one person’s turn on may be another person’s major turn off.

  1. Does the person want to be lightly humiliated in a tender and coaxing way- or thoroughly humiliated with aggressive and demeaning terms?
  2. Do you want to use Special Pet names or Madam, Sir, etc?

Explore and present your fantasies, get creative and free of self judgement. This is your pace to express and explore.

Role Play. 

Role-playing is a common aspect of BDSM play. This may involve two or more people who “act out” a particular scene or fantasy. *BDSM role play can happen in person or virtually. It almost always involves at least one individual being dominant and another being submissive. It may be simple, or it may be complicated enough to require a script.

Popular Role Play 

    • Doctor and patient.
    • Teacher and student.
    • Cop and criminal.
    • Person in house and intruder.
    • Voyeurism/ Secrets Revealed. Example: A person thinks they are in privacy and a voyeur is watching. The Voyeur is found out. Either part can become the Dominant in the scene, depending on your agreed plan.
  • Topping from the Bottom. Example: When the Submissive agrees to submit, but becomes playfully aggressive by getting bratty. This gives the Dominant some room for playful Discipline and getting back on Top. 

Scenarios such as begging for punishment, demanding apology acts, disciplining bad behavior, etc. are fun and popular.

Popular BDSM Pleasure/ Pain Play:

  1. Bondage (restraint or restriction with scarves, ropes, bed restraints, cuffs, etc)
  2. Wax (dripping hot wax on the skin)
  3. Impact (spanking, biting, slapping, caning, flogging)
  4. Sensation (hair pulling or tugging, using tools such as feathers, a paddle, burlap, skin on skin, sex toys, or household products like spoons, spatulas, rulers, belts, clothespins)
  5. Sensory deprivation (blindfolds, earmuffs, ear plugs)

Discover and Express the kinds of sensations you want. Remember, different materials create different sensations. Some might be really pleasurable for people, others won’t.

Example: Latex or leather latex would be stingier feeling to the body. Suede and feathers are softer material. Ice creates a different experience than extreme heat (though one after the other is often quite enjoyable ☺.

  1. Orgasm Denial: Orgasm denial is next-level sexual anticipation for those who love the frustrating and exhilarating experience of a long, slow build up—which is to say, almost everyone. The dominant partner will typically bring the submissive close or to the brink, then stop. Repeat as necessary. Be as imaginative and creative as possible.

Let us always relish in our AfterCare. . .

*To discuss creating Virtual and In Studio exploratory BDSM sessions with Oceana, feel welcome to

Email: sensualbynaturestudio@gmail.com

© Article written by Dakini Oceana @ www.SensualByNatureStudio.com